Feels

I have vivid memories of how we met,

The feelings that you made me feel.

You gave me butterflies every time i saw you.

I had this joy in me that i still can’t describe.

You gave me feels that i had never felt before.

I knew i needed you,

You just walked in and brightened up my life.

I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world.

You became a part of me that i cherish,

it’s like you’ve been grafted within me,

I carry you within wherever i go.

Love….

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Suited. Magnetized

Solitary had always been the air she breathed. It’s like her entire life was built within four confined walls and this room was highly secured inside her head. It would have been better if she felt like she had it all in there. Subconsciously, consciously, there was a nagging thought about a missing piece to complete a perfect puzzle.

It’s funny how like poles of a magnet repel and unlike poles attract. He prefers being told to being shown. He is carefree, goes with the flow and cautious at the same time. Above all, he made her happy effortlessly. He was able to silence that nagging thought inside her head and she didn’t even know how he did it. Could he be that missing piece?

You know what they say, good things don’t come easy. It wasn’t easy. She had to learn to live outside those four walls inside her head. Though she had mastered how to express herself through actions, this one required her to voice it out as well. It was an easy choice because she had no doubt that he was worth it. Just the thought of losing him would rip her apart. She knew perfectly well that if she lost him, she would lose a part of herself and that meant she’d be broken for a lifetime.

She got overwhelmed sometimes by life itself. She’d feel trapped, like her wings were clipped. Flying has always been her dream but fear chokes it out of her. He gets her like nobody else. He believes in her and with that, he taught her how to walk first before she can fly.

And this is the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to her….

How do you define greatness?

Great people see the crisis of another as a call to action.

Great people model and teach others that which is important. (Love, giving)

Great people bring out the best in others.

Great people are not greedy for personal gain.

Great people have genuine unselfishness.

Great people do not do good for recognition and mere praise.

Lastly, great people enjoy their blessings with others.

How does the world define greatness?

True greatness cannot be measured by how much you own but the little good things done well everyday.

What’s your definition of greatness?

Social anxiety

It’s in the amount of attention that I pay to criticism,

In the rate at which negative comments sink in,

Just the thought of voicing my thoughts in a group gets my heart racing,

It’s in how much I worry about what the next person is gonna think or say,

Just hearing those things feels like a bee’s sting,

It lies in the fear of speaking my mind even though I know that it is right,

The power I render to my pen and paper….

It’s like I could write about anything at all that I wish I could share confidently,

I want it to go away so bad,

I want my heart to keep beating normally anytime I think of saying something in a group,

I want my hands to stop sweating and shaking the way they do,

I want that fear to stop raging in my gut,

I wanna speak my mind without giving a damn about what the next person is gonna say or think…

God knows I try so hard not to have an emotional reaction to everything being said about me,

All I want is to stop being sensitive to nay sayers.

When noone is watching

What do you do when you’re alone and no one’s watching? What do you constantly find yourself thinking of when you’re confined in solitude?

The people we truly are to ourselves are the people we cannot run away from. We act different around different people. People have their way of bringing out different sides of us. The most important thing is that all those different sides are in sync with our character.

Are you at peace with the man in the mirror?

Conformity

The word used to describe the generation of today,

Righteousness seems so scarce that the few who act right are labelled as ‘the good ones.

‘ What the previous generations used to call taboo has evolved to be ‘cool.’

It has so much power, it’s pulling us all in , drowning and choking us to death.

We’re left with no choice but to CONFORM.

It’s the fear of being isolated,

It is the fear of being labelled,

It’s the fear of losing the ability to be acceptable,

It’s the ‘fit in’ mentality that defines us.

God if we could just feel the joy that comes with being the odd one out.

The peace that comes with righteousness,

If we could just silence the ‘belong’ voices that haunt us,

If we could just understand that we’re pilgrims,

If only we could understand that our destination is far beyond this cruel world,

Only then shall will be able to stand out, shine and soar high up in the sky,

We will be able to carry ourselves around with confidence, we won’t have to pretend anymore and finally be at peace,

Only then shall we experience true happiness.

But how? The question still poses.

My life down the rabbit hole

“A rabbit hole is a metaphor for something that transports someone into a wonderfully (or troublingly) surreal state or situation.”

For a long time I have been a firm believer that each and every one of us has got a skill and a passion buried in us. That seed is a gift from God for us to nature and make it bloom so that it may produce fruit, to feed us and those around us.

My journey began after high school, young, restless and clueless. My mom’s finances didn’t add up, to get me to complete the “educational system”, i.e. high school, university and eventually get a job bla bla bla. I decided to buy some time and extend my gap year, knowing very well that university was a dream which I didn’t feel good waking up from.

One of the superpowers I acquired through the “gap year” was living in Zimbabwe. I will gladly add that on my CV. My country has got 98% unemployment rate, that’s how hard it is to survive in Zimbabwe. My country is not for Sissies. I still have photos of myself looking like I’m on hunger strike. Through it all I survived.

Suddenly an opportunity arose, not what I fancied. “The reason for working is to get paid” I rebelled. On the contrary it was a voluntary gig. For the first few months, I was supposed to pay a certain amount of money towards my essentials, just to prove that I was serious about volunteering. However, that didn’t move me a bit, for the thoughts of exposure to a different culture, learning to speak good English, the experience and hopefully get a white girlfriend to scratch my jungle fever itch. All of the above pushed me to hastily pack up my luggage and travel 48hrs across the border.

My arrival rose eyebrows, everything seemed out of order. I arrived a day earlier, wearing a wrong t-shirt, written, “IM NOT STUBORN BUT MY WAY IS BETTER”. My eyes were bloodshot red, from lack of sleep, people thought otherwise and the worst part of all I was hungry, surely perceived as I had munchies.

As I mentioned earlier, living in Zimbabwe is a significant skill. In no time I quickly adapted to the environment, I worked hard, I even did the worst jobs one could fathom. A few of my duties included harvesting and sorting macadamia nuts and avocadoes, worm farming, irrigation… My worst job was working in the coffee fields. It was the only job that made me doubt if I had made a wise decision to volunteer. I hated coffee passionately. I would spend weeks and weeks spraying coffee trees, picking and processing cherries and hand sorting tons of coffee beans.

That was how I fell into the rabbit hole.

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