Labyrinth! What now?

In this maze of life,

getting lost seems to be closer to us than knowing whether to turn left or right.

Deviation from the right paths can easily be justified by the dungeon that life throws us in.

Decision making poses as the most difficult when one does not have the foundation that’s unshakeable.

LIFE is the four letter word that has unending definitions.

Having been defined by the dynamic feelings of man,

by every situation that he finds himself in,

it’s true meaning is what we search for day and night.

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Growth, change.

It’s funny how years go by, we celebrate every birthday but don’t get to feel the difference of another year added to our lives. The truth is change occurs, but it’s latent and we don’t get to realize it instantaneously. You just wake up one day with a thing or two on your mind, that which you used to do but grew out of it without you even realizing it.

I used to chat a lot with people on social media. I’d reply to random messages from strangers. As i got older, chatting became a task i was unwilling to perform. Small talk doesn’t interest me anymore, in fact it annoys the heck out of me. It’s like i just withdrew into my own shell. It can be difficult sometimes. Change is never easy to confront or embrace but we just have to take it as it is. In my case, the shift wasn’t easy on my peers. They felt ignored, left out. The change here appeared to be negative but in reality, the change was just me growing up to become who I am and maybe in five years I’ll look back and realize that I changed. There’s certainly no need to fret over that.

How do you deal with growth and change?

Wonder fruit

But the fruit of the Spirit is..kindness

We often try to accomplish with violence, what we can easily do with kindness.

There is a story of the wind and the sun, debating on who would be first to make a man sitting on a bench remove his coat. The wind stormed, howled, tugged and pulled but the man clung to his coat all the more. The sun shone down on him in a friendly and comforting way. The man enjoyed the warmth and gratefully took off his coat.

In a world where you can be anything, be kind.

It is within

If I were to ask you who you are as a man could you tell me without giving me your name, occupation or any of the obvious means we use to identify ourselves? If I were to simply say,”tell me who you are,” what would you say?

Not that all these details don’t matter. They are valid and important identifiers but beyond that, who are you?

The Migraine journey

It wasn’t until I turned 18 when i started having regular headaches. Every week i knew I’d be down with one. It was nothing some painkillers and a strong cup of coffee couldn’t fix.

Somehow it worsened, by the time I turned 20, i was experiencing a specific type of headache. A throbbing pain in the right side of my head. The pain worsened with movement. My eyes were failing me too. The world seemed too bright for them. I would wake up with this kind of pain multiple times a month. Sometimes I would feel the pain in my sleep at 2 a.m

Ibuprofen was my way out, most times it managed to save me. I knew i had to see a doctor but i have this thing with hospitals, they creep me out. I managed to dodge for a full year. Eventually I gave in, the doctor diagnosed me with migraine headaches , she also advised me to have a full blood count test done with the hope that she could detect what was causing the headaches which I never went for. She prescribed migril. I’ve been taking it everytime i get an attack. I still can’t figure out what triggers them, sometimes I think it’s deviating from my sleeping schedule but i also doubt that.

The medication does stop a migraine as it starts but it gives me another illness. Upset stomach, weakness in my legs and arms and muscle ache which are some of it’s side effects.

Sometimes it really gets the better of me. The pain is just too great to handle. I still wear specs when i’m outside. The light is too bright for my eyes to handle and they get strained too easily.

Self consciousness

Does anybody else have such heightened self consciousness that they are watchful of every single thing they do or say? Like you get so fully aware of every gesture you make, every word you say and how you pronounce it. You suddenly begin to sort of like dislike the way you speak and hear a whispering voice at the back of your head telling you to tone it down a bit.

You wanna know what actually sucks? It’s the fact that it contradicts what i believe in. I believe that we ought to let our lights shine extremely bright. I believe that we shouldn’t be afraid that our lights are too bright for the next person. We shouldn’t be toning down or dimming those lights. We gotta let those little lanterns shine!

I’m dimming my own light. My self consciousness can’t have it too bright. It’s causing me to be very self judgemental.

It’s like i’m fighting against myself and that kind of war has no winner.

Truth coming out of her well

The painting tells the story of when the Truth and the lie met on a summery day. The Lie said to the Truth: “it’s a marvellous day today”! The Truth looked up to the skies and sighed, for the day was really beautiful. They spent a lot of time together, ultimately arriving beside a well. The Lie said to the Truth: “The water is very nice , let’s take a bath together! ” The truth once again suspicious, tested the water and discovered that it indeed was very nice. They undressed and started bathing. Suddenly, the Lie came out of the water, put on the clothes of the Truth and ran away. The furious Truth came out of the well and ran everywhere to find the Lie and to get her clothes back. The world, seeing the Truth naked, turned it’s gaze away, with contempt and rage. The poor Truth returned to the well an disappeared forever, hiding therein, its shame. Since then, the Lie travels around the world, dressed as the Truth, satisfying the needs of society because the World in any case, harbours no wish at all to meet the naked Truth.

You determine the quality of your life

What kind of man or woman are you growing to become? Are you aiming to develop your character or you’re motivated by self interest? You may perhaps blame other people or your circumstances for what you have become but you cannot escape the responsibility of determining your own character. You’re honest or dishonest, you are sincere or insincere, you live according to the truth or you are a liar. This is how you’ve chosen to become. You may say that your circumstances forced you to be dishonest but the final choice between honesty and dishonesty is yours. Your character is built on the choices you make. We live with it, everyday we have to make decisions . The choice is always between right and wrong. Maybe your understanding of truth fluctuates according to the demands of the present situation. But what should be understood is that truth is eternal. It is the creator and foundation of a strong and decisive character. If your understanding of truth varies with every changing mood and situation you will always hesitate and your character grows weak. There are always two choices in every situation, always make the right choice and base your character on the truth.

Be inspired

Feels

I have vivid memories of how we met,

The feelings that you made me feel.

You gave me butterflies every time i saw you.

I had this joy in me that i still can’t describe.

You gave me feels that i had never felt before.

I knew i needed you,

You just walked in and brightened up my life.

I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world.

You became a part of me that i cherish,

it’s like you’ve been grafted within me,

I carry you within wherever i go.

Love….

Suited. Magnetized

Solitary had always been the air she breathed. It’s like her entire life was built within four confined walls and this room was highly secured inside her head. It would have been better if she felt like she had it all in there. Subconsciously, consciously, there was a nagging thought about a missing piece to complete a perfect puzzle.

It’s funny how like poles of a magnet repel and unlike poles attract. He prefers being told to being shown. He is carefree, goes with the flow and cautious at the same time. Above all, he made her happy effortlessly. He was able to silence that nagging thought inside her head and she didn’t even know how he did it. Could he be that missing piece?

You know what they say, good things don’t come easy. It wasn’t easy. She had to learn to live outside those four walls inside her head. Though she had mastered how to express herself through actions, this one required her to voice it out as well. It was an easy choice because she had no doubt that he was worth it. Just the thought of losing him would rip her apart. She knew perfectly well that if she lost him, she would lose a part of herself and that meant she’d be broken for a lifetime.

She got overwhelmed sometimes by life itself. She’d feel trapped, like her wings were clipped. Flying has always been her dream but fear chokes it out of her. He gets her like nobody else. He believes in her and with that, he taught her how to walk first before she can fly.

And this is the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to her….

How do you define greatness?

Great people see the crisis of another as a call to action.

Great people model and teach others that which is important. (Love, giving)

Great people bring out the best in others.

Great people are not greedy for personal gain.

Great people have genuine unselfishness.

Great people do not do good for recognition and mere praise.

Lastly, great people enjoy their blessings with others.

How does the world define greatness?

True greatness cannot be measured by how much you own but the little good things done well everyday.

What’s your definition of greatness?

Social anxiety

It’s in the amount of attention that I pay to criticism,

In the rate at which negative comments sink in,

Just the thought of voicing my thoughts in a group gets my heart racing,

It’s in how much I worry about what the next person is gonna think or say,

Just hearing those things feels like a bee’s sting,

It lies in the fear of speaking my mind even though I know that it is right,

The power I render to my pen and paper….

It’s like I could write about anything at all that I wish I could share confidently,

I want it to go away so bad,

I want my heart to keep beating normally anytime I think of saying something in a group,

I want my hands to stop sweating and shaking the way they do,

I want that fear to stop raging in my gut,

I wanna speak my mind without giving a damn about what the next person is gonna say or think…

God knows I try so hard not to have an emotional reaction to everything being said about me,

All I want is to stop being sensitive to nay sayers.

When noone is watching

What do you do when you’re alone and no one’s watching? What do you constantly find yourself thinking of when you’re confined in solitude?

The people we truly are to ourselves are the people we cannot run away from. We act different around different people. People have their way of bringing out different sides of us. The most important thing is that all those different sides are in sync with our character.

Are you at peace with the man in the mirror?